Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet 17- Janna
It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-sentence snippets from their WIPs on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.
I just realized that Janna’s story is still behind everyone else’s, chronologically. Gee, I wonder if it’s because I’ve rewritten her arc about four times? Anyway, she’s done her best to adapt to life in the country and resist attempts to marry her off to the icky Seko. She’s found that a good way to avoid him is to spend her days in the woods, looking for berries. City girl that she is, she can still identify a wild strawberry! Her step-son Anton usually comes to get her in the evenings so there’s no chance of Seko finding her and “escorting” her back to the farm. One evening, they are heading back when they see an armed party approaching the farm. Anton is worried about his little sister who’s still in the farmhouse.
“They don’t have any reason to hurt a little girl, ” Janna said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “They’ve probably just come to steal. Let’s sit here quietly until they’re gone.” But waiting was almost unbearable,and once the horsemen had passed they crept quietly through the bushes until they could see the farm.
“Mama,”Anton tugged urgently on her skirt just as she saw the red glow. “Mama, the house is on fire.”
He scrambled to stand up, but she grabbed his arm and didn’t let go, especially once the screaming started. It seemed to go on forever, and finally Anton stopped struggling and rolled into her arms, trembling and wetting the front of her dress with tears.
Previous snippets are here.
by
OMG! Really? Did you do that? Must be all those battles you’ve been caught up in… That was pretty instense.
Haha! I wrote this ages ago-probably last summer, though some time after the humorous sacking. I had to force myself to write it, after skipping over it a few times. I’ve come a long way since then. These days I slaughter secondary characters with impunity!
Well there ya ‘ave it then, ya see. A gal after GRRM’s own heart! Good on ya.
Well, to be honest, “slaughter with impunity” means one death due to natural causes, and one off-stage bit of cannon fodder. SO FAR
What a powerful scene, Christina. I can’t imagine… Wonderful 8!
Thank you!
Wow, great tension and detail! Beautifully done, Christina!
Thanks so much!
Oh no, you can’t leave it off here D: What happens to his sister? You did a good job handling some difficult emotions here. It’s hard to convey sorrow and anger without it coming off as melodramatic (something I’m often guilty of XD). I’m a bit confused about their relationships to each other. Anton is her step-son, but she’s single (implied by Seko’s wooing) so she was married to a guy with kids and he died?
I usually start off melodramatic, then prune relentlessly.
Oh my! I’m really concerned for Anton’s sister. He was right to suspect that army. Very good upping the tension in this. 😀
Thank you!
Extremely tragic in a quiet, effective way.Excellent excerpt, if grim (but war is always grim, yes? So you’ve portrayed it well.)
It’s hard for me to do grim, and war is- so thank you!
Oh my goodness. This is so stressful for a mom to read…poor baby girl. Poor big brother. Poor momma. Well done at tugging on the heartstrings.
Thanks! I didn’t enjoy writing it much- I hate putting children in jeopardy! And yet, it was a reality of this war (and most others, too)
I’m still hoping that the little girl survived (Or do I? The soldiers might not be the better option . . . ), but perhaps not Seko.
Why burn the farm, though? Because they could?
I have so many questions and so much need to read more of this to find out! You’ve hooked me good, Christina. 😀
Sometimes death is the easier alternative. Some of my poor characters spend a lot of time wishing they were dead.
Excellent snippet. So well written.
Thank you!
Oh no, what an emotional and scary scene. Hope his sister got out safely. Great job on the snippet!
Thank you!
Oh no the house! Oh my goodness I’m so into this story. Great eight. Hope everyone gets out okay.
Thank you!
Oh, how traumatic. Very well written.
Thank you!
Tears! Powerful.
Thank you!
Great scene! Not knowing where the little girl is adds to the tension and makes me feel for Janna, who has to stay hidden. Nicely done.
Thanks!
Intense and emotional. Powerful writing (and yes, GRRM would probably love it;).
Thank you!
Poor Janna. “Don’t have a reason to” doesn’t mean they won’t hurt anyone. For some, destruction is its own reward…
(It it wrong of me to hope Seko got killed somehow?)
Yup, some very bad people tend to flourish in those times.
I don’t think too many of us would mourn Seko’s untimely passing.
What a heart-wrenching scene!
OMG Christina you can’t do that to me!!! NO! Need to know NOW!
Seriously though, I hope this gets at least somewhat resolved next week. *points finger accusingly* Thanks for sharing!
I’ll see what I can do