Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet 4- Janna

wewriwaIt’s already that time again. Check out Weekend Writing Warriors for a huge list of eight-sentence snippets. Fortunately, eight sentences don’t take long to read, so you can get through a bunch in a short period of time!

This week, my location shifts to the Moraltan capital of Kaleva, where rebels opposing the Empress Teodora have just been defeated. Janna’s husband Dimir, one of the rebels, has just come to tell her that all is lost and she has to flee to the countryside with their two small children.

“I can’t do this by myself-you must come with us,” Janna said, her voice trembling.

Dimir sighed. “I helped start all of this; I can’t run away now.”.

“Of course you can,” the tears finally spilled over. “No one will notice if you don’t go back.”

“I’ll notice,” He put both hands on her shoulders and looked at her intently. “We can’t win, but the longer we can hold them at the gate, the longer you’ll have to get away. And I can do whatever I have to if I know that you and the children are safe.”

Previous snippets are here:

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18 comments on “Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet 4- Janna
  1. Elsa Holland says:

    Beautiful. Self sacrifice always pulls at the hart. I want to know more. Next week?? 🙂

  2. Oh wow, that’s gut-wrenching 🙁 The way the characters are acting, it’s like he’s never going to see his family again. Honor used to be a huge part of society. In contemporary American society it feels almost meaningless. My husband is Japanese, and they still have a lot of honor embedded in their culture. I hope Dimir is going to be okay, but I have a sinking feeling he won’t D:

    • Unfortunately, honor isn’t always rewarded. Poor Dimir. 🙁

      I love many things about the Japanese culture, and one of them is definitely that strong sense of honor. Elsewhere, you don’t seem to see it too much anymore.

  3. Frank Fisher says:

    That was a beautiful scene and I admire him sacrificing himself for his family.

  4. Alexis Duran says:

    Powerful dialogue. I’d like to know more about these characters. I’m already hoping he survives against the odds.

  5. Wow. I can feel her fear and despair. Nice 8.

  6. But can she and two children survive on their own?

  7. Eleri Stone says:

    Wrenching, especially when it sounds like there’s no hope of him making it out alive.

  8. He’s so gallant and honorable, very touching, pulls at the heart strings. Super excerpt!

  9. Evelyn Jules says:

    Oh man. This breaks my heart. It’s so gut-wrenching and so believable. Really well done, Christina!

  10. Gripping and heart-wrenching. Really draws the reader in. Nicely done, Christina. 🙂

  11. Botanist says:

    Dimir’s parting sentiment is so touching, and understandable. Nicely done.

    BTW, you seem to have a few punctuation oddities around the dialogue – a stray period after one of the closing quotes, and a couple of commas that should be periods with an action tag following.

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